If you're wondering how to write a good dating profile, here's how it's done

If I'm not mistaken. Found by Angelique on Nerve. High-larious, honest, good--everything anybody should aspire to be:

MORE ABOUT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR

My perfect mate punches it when she sees the flashing lights in her rear-view. She doesn't throw up her hands and get all upset. no. she tears the fuck out of there saying, 'not today, you powertripping, fascist pig!' When backups are radioed and roadblocks are set up she remains sexy and feminine yet strong and resolute. She's got the needle pinned while heading for the roadblock and doesn't flinch when the tire spike strips tear the rubber from all four wheels. my fantasy girl doesn't then say'oh my tires are done, i guess it's over.' no. she says 'this ain't over yet you f-ing pricks. i'll ride these rims til the f-ing axles then i'll ride the f-ing axles.' my ideal date doesn't get all panicked about helicopters hovering above or people throwing rocks at her car. She stays focused. And when her engine finally explodes, she definitely doesn't sit around waiting to be apprehended. She flees the car on foot into a lower class neighborhood. My girl doesn't complain or whine about her bloody head and hands after she dives through the plate glass window of someone's living room. She also thinks fast enough to immediately take a hostage. When some dickhead negotiator on a bullhorn tries to negotiate with her, she's got nothing for him other than very real threats and a stream of obscenities i can't even begin to describe here. when the swat team moves in she's balanced and graceful. No way my girl's goin out like a bitch so of course my ideal date lunges at the negotiator with a large piece of glass. While she's being fired upon from every angle, she looks like a marionette doing a cute jig. a few hollow tipped bullet holes can't get my dream date down.

seriously: i'm looking for a girl who won't do anything drunk that she wouldn't do sober.

(Thanks, Angelique! Thanks, random guy on Nerve!)